It's been two years since I had a BPM (bilateral prophylactic mastectomy). I'm not really in a mood to talk about it right now. So I'll direct you to where I'm at now. I'm struggling with depression on most days. I guess it's better than crying for no reason, but it's still not the life I want to live. The only reason I get out of bed is because my 2 year old and 4 year old can't care for themselves yet. I'm certain that my depression is brought on my these Indiana winters and my crazy hormones. I have an appointment with my doctor in a couple of weeks to talk about treatments and I'm hopeful. I've lived with this long enough to know that depression lies. Right now it is telling me that I'll never be happy and that I won't find joy in everyday life again, but I know when spring comes I'll bask in the sunlight. Depression is telling me that I'm screwing up my kids by now being more involved in their interests, but I know that no one can replace me in their lives. Depression tells me no one wants to hear about this, it's such a downer; but I know that by sharing my story I can help others. I learned that through my mastectomy recovery. I still get messages of friends that have gotten a mammogram because of me. If you've never had depression then watch the Ted Talks video that is linked below. Even if you do suffer from depression, it makes you feel validated. It's 29 minutes long, but well worth it.
"The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality, and it was vitality that seemed to seep away from me in that moment." In a talk equal parts eloquent and devastating, writer Andrew Solomon takes you to the darkest corners of his mind during the years he battled depression. That led him to an eye-opening journey across the world to interview others with depression -- only to discover that, to his surprise, the more he talked, the more people wanted to tell their own stories.