Not my plan

I'm a mess with a calm demeanor. Right now I would be content to just curl up in a ball in bed and go into an eternal sleep. The antidepressants have made me apathetic, David disagrees, but I need them right now to survive this winter and so that my family doesn't suffer from my mood. I was feeling great last week when we got up to 60 degrees then it snowed again. I desperately need my garden therapy.
I was doing ok just hanging on then I had Nolan's transition meeting yesterday. To transition from receiving First Steps therapy to see if he qualifies for therapy through the school district. I went in there thinking he would qualify for OT and possibly speech since he is at the low end of average and that he would go to development preschool 2 or 3 days a week, but they suggested 5 days a week. I feel like a failure as a mom not knowing that my child needed that much help and that I wasn't getting it for him. I discontinued his OT and PT back in September to free up sometime since he is going to preschool at Calvary 2 days a week and getting speech once a week. I really want my kids to have time to just be kids and not be over scheduled.
So, in this meeting I found that he can start Monday. I'm not ready, but I know it's what's best for him. Monday I will be putting both boys on the bus, I haven't had enough time to prepare myself for this next step, but I know Nolan will love it.