Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Day 9 after Mastectomy

No pictures today. They look the same, swollen, bruised, and deformed. The breast surgeon today said that the hard yellowish thing under my right breast is scar tissue from the drains and if the dimple doesn't go away then the plastic surgeon can take some of my fat and fill it in. But I actually like them now better than I did before. They were too big and always in the way. I also hated how I sweat under them. Definitely not an issue now.
My issue today is completely emotional. Now that I feel like I can do more I want everyone back to their regular schedules too. I guess being a SAHM (stay at home mom), I kinds of a control freak when it comes to my house and kids. So David's going back to work tomorrow and my mom will help me with Nolan, which I am completely looking forward to because I have missed holding, eating, and even changing him.
Another issue I'm having is that I can't drive anywhere. I feel like I'm a teenager on restrictions. My friends have likened it to bed rest, and I'm only a week and a half into it. This really sucks!
I had my first follow-up with my breast surgeon and as soon as she saw me she said I didn't look good and needed to tell her what's going on. So I went into more detail on the emotional stuff, which she totally gets since she's due to have another baby in a week. So she sent the psychiatrist down for me to talk to and come up with a plan to get more back to my normal. My breast surgeon also put me on a different pain med because the the that I was on worked wonders for the pain, but I was no where near my normal self. It was impossible to walk straight or keep up a conversation. Now the new meds aren't even touching the pain. I'm feeling worst than I was in the hospital.
I'm now going to try to focus on the positives for the day. My son Isaac was ecstatic to see me and wanted to be attached to my hip. I had tons of laughs and felt more normal at our small group. We had a delicious dinner delivered to us. I was even able to dress myself without any help. I got so many supportive emails and comments that this journaling is helping them.


  1. Oh Amy, this was my experience in the past when goi g through surgeries or b/c treatments. One to two weeks into this deal is really hard when your mind is telling you, ok everyone get back to normal, but you are limited with pain and not driving and more of the same. Know that this is pretty normal, and in a few weeks it is going to be so much better! Keep hanging in there and see if your son will watch cartoons with you. Funny cartoons. You are in my thoughts.

  2. Amy,
    The emotional pain is real. I appreciate your honesty and openness! It's so easy to forget and even question if the crying spells were real when you're feeling better ... And so easy to forget the times you almost feel normal when you're feeling down. Know you're not alone. I do hope your physical pain lessens, and our emotional pain begins to lighten a bit ... The way I have been thinking of it lately is that I just experienced a much anticipated and highly orchestrated train wreck ... It is trauma; seeing a counselor is totally reasonable.
    Amy R.


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