Saturday, January 25, 2014

2 Year Boobiversary and Depression

It's been two years since I had a BPM (bilateral prophylactic mastectomy). I'm not really in a mood to talk about it right now. So I'll direct you to where I'm at now. I'm struggling with depression on most days. I guess it's better than crying for no reason, but it's still not the life I want to live. The only reason I get out of bed is because my 2 year old and 4 year old can't care for themselves yet. I'm certain that my depression is brought on my these Indiana winters and my crazy hormones. I have an appointment with my doctor in a couple of weeks to talk about treatments and I'm hopeful. I've lived with this long enough to know that depression lies. Right now it is telling me that I'll never be happy and that I won't find joy in everyday life again, but I know when spring comes I'll bask in the sunlight. Depression is telling me that I'm screwing up my kids by now being more involved in their interests, but I know that no one can replace me in their lives. Depression tells me no one wants to hear about this, it's such a downer; but I know that by sharing my story I can help others. I learned that through my mastectomy recovery. I still get messages of friends that have gotten a mammogram because of me. If you've never had depression then watch the Ted Talks video that is linked below. Even if you do suffer from depression, it makes you feel validated. It's 29 minutes long, but well worth it.

"The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality, and it was vitality that seemed to seep away from me in that moment." In a talk equal parts eloquent and devastating, writer Andrew Solomon takes you to the darkest corners of his mind during the years he battled depression. That led him to an eye-opening journey across the world to interview others with depression -- only to discover that, to his surprise, the more he talked, the more people wanted to tell their own stories.


  1. Hang in there Amy! You are correct depression lies. I started taking citalopram/lexapro for anxiety/depression about 5 years ago. When I start feeling good I will start to forget to take it and come off on my own. Then it gets bad and I have to get back on. I spoke to my doctor and he said I should not feel bad about having to take medication--It is a chemical imbalance, not my fault. That resonated with me. I am trying to stay on my meds and take them regularly. I <3 you. You did a very brave thing. Those boys love and need you and you are a wonderful mother!!

  2. You are a bright sunshine in so many lives, including mine! I'm glad that you know the truth, even when the lies of depression whisper to you. I love you friend!

  3. Just take a look at the sun rays coming in through windows, and you may find a reason to feel blessed that the house has sun light in it. Read something -- without turn on a light bulb.

    "Little things can make us feel good."
    "Look ahead with a hope".



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