10 month pictures

Prozac has done wonders for his temperment

but he still barks.

A pattern

It seems that every time I've been stuck at home by doctor's orders I tend to redecorate, which usually puts David in a tizzy since I like to move furniture around. Well so far he has been completely supportive of buying new/antique furniture to liven up our house. This was one of our first purchases. We found it at a resale shop for $100 by Ethan Allen and it also had the rest of the bed room suit with it. We decided at the time not to get the dresser, desk, and bed, but after I thought about it I really liked the desk and dresser, so we'll be picking those up soon along with a green and yellowish striped couch. That day we also picked up a rocker/glider like the love seat one we have it's just a love seat and the color is a burnt orange.

Just trying to keep up journaling

I think I have figured out that I am good for about 2 to 3 hours of awakeness before I pass out and then nothing can wake me for hours. I'm talking about sleeping 5-8 hours. I was kind of disappointed that I didn't get to the leave the house today, but all the upgrades around the house made my day.
Also my boob things get really cold even when I drink something really cold. Kind of weird, but I think it's because they don't have any fat or tissue to keep them warm.
Other than that I'm feeling pretty good bu my conversations through facebook, email, and such. God is really with us on this one.

Never again

So at my usually 4am bedtime I decided I'd like to finally take off "the bra" for some relief. It's been rubbing my skin off and my ribs now hurt from having an enormous rubber band around them for close to 3 weeks. It felt glorious at first, my ribs were loving it. I was also thinking that since I was laying down flat that it wouldn't do any damage or anything. Which will led to another story. Well, waking up at 8 am I was in tremendous pain to where I could not move, I had to have David go find the bra and put it on my. I've been recovering from this all day. Might I remind you this was only 4 hours too.
On to the other story. I decided to take a nap sometime ago, I have no concept of time or day now, and ended up on my side. I'm a side sleeper so this sleeping on the back thing sucks and and I probably wouldn't get any sleep if it weren't from the drugs. Well, waking up from a side sleeper nap leaves me in terrible pain, even with the bra on. That crazy bra! I was hoping that at my canceled follow-up that he'd say we can burn that thing now, but of course that didn't happen,

Not So Tickled Pink

Article worth reading.
Not So Tickled Pink
Komen’s greatest problem is that it has forgotten there is a woman attached to the breast.

Update 2/11/12

I've have a lot of people ask how I'm doing today, via phone, email, and facebook. I don't think I answered any of them because as soon I as got home at 3pm I went to sleep. Funny thing is I woke up at 7pm and thought to myself ahhhh Isaac's going go wake up soon. That's how well David's been taking care of the kids, I rarely hear them.
Well, I was supposed to have another follow-up with the plastic surgeon today. The first follow-up was to just pull out the drains. Well about 2 hours before my appointment they canceled it and closed his clinic for the rest of the day and possibly next week, his mom isn't doing so well. Emotionally I was on a high because I was having lunch child free with mu hubby and had all the questions that I thought I was going to get answered. So needless to say emotionally I plummeted , not only to someone that might be loosing their mom but also that the day wasn't meeting my expectations.
Thankfully David and I then had sometime to stop at an antique store where we found some fabulous finds. Since I'm at home most of the time now I've decided to redecorate and am super excited that David's on board with me. Day was also better because my bestie was watching my children and they had a fabulous time together. I love the story of them pretending to take nap time together not realizing we have a video monitor. I was told they would play and look out his window, but when Shannon came to check on them they would just in bed and pretend to be asleep. I'll also have to post the pictures of Nolan and Hayden together.
Now back to my update, I haven't taken pain pills during the but have been at night to hopefully help me sleep, which they eventually do at about 4am. Well, I've also been trying to do more of my physical therapy so I'm in incredible pain. Yesterday I took my pain pills all day which probably helped me get some good sleep. As David put I need to continuously take them so I'm not crashing and then trying to make up for, I just don't like not knowing the day or what's going on but I guess that's how it's going to have to be for awhile. My follow up is now scheduled for Monday the 20th.

Today 2/7/12

I currently have no problems with how I look. I do have problems with how I feel. On my right side, the one that I call mutilated, I can feel the implant when I walk, which is really weird. I'm also weaker on my right side. I have not taken pain pills for two days, but am still in no condition to drive. I'm currently taking Valium for the muscle spams, the drugs are starting to remind me of when I was pregnant. If I had a full bladder and would cough, I'd wet myself. Which seems to be happening now because of these muscle relaxers. And of course the day I finish the antibiotics the kiddos gave me a runny nose and cough. Go ahead, it's ok to laugh.
Even though I'm not on the pain medication I still have no balance and am uber surprised that my legs and thighs aren't covered in bruises. Although if I am out some place it is guaranteed that I will knock something over.
David went back to work full time this past Monday and my mom will be leaving Thursday. So I will be sending out an email to those of you that want to come vacuum my house, do my laundry, and go grocery shopping for me.
I have another follow up appointment with the plastic surgeon Friday, so hopefully I be feeling brave enough to post before and after pictures.

This is the wonderful bra that I have to wear constantly that has know worn away the skin under my arms around the shoulder part.

You may also note that I do most of my blogging at 3am now. For some reason I can't sleep from midnight to 4am. I may do with me being a side sleeper and I'm now having to sleep on my back. But this weird sleeping schedule is also making me pass our at 2pm. Hopefully Isaac and Nolan's nap schedules will sync up.

I also want to thank all of you that have been praying and bringing meals. I feel God's presence through all of you.

Peanut butter playdough

Fun messy activity that the dogs really enjoyed, I think Isaac likes it too. It's just made of peanut butter, honey, and powered sugar. So it was very yummy to eat, but every time Isaac would try it he would say yuck with a smile on his face. Then he thought it would be fun to see if the dogs would like to try to it and they sure did.

2 days after planting the seeds

Since it was still warm I got out some more flower seed packets and told him he could plant them where he wanted to. He picked his playground area. How cute it that?

Two days ago when I gave him seed packets I told him he could only plant in two of our raised garden boxes. Can you see the bunch of off-white round seeds piled in the middle of the box?

Planting February 2nd, Why Not?

We've had a warm winter and since it was another warm day I gave Isaac some seed to go plant. Hopefully we will be surpirsed in the Spring.

Realization

Although I feel all fine and well and in a perfect condition to drive a car, I came to a realization this morning that I should not. While in the shower shaving my legs it took me a few seconds to figure out which direction to shave, this is something that all women know is an autopilot thing. I guess after being on various pain pills for a couple of weeks the haze feels like a new normal.

Whatever day it is after mastectomy

Today was a good day. I has some much needed social time with my book club last night and today I took quite a bit of large baby toys to a resale shop. Yes I did end up spending half of the money they were giving us, but I feel like I got something accomplished. The pain is much the same, it's there all the time but not overwhelming. I guess I'm just really tired am have a hard time acknowledging that. I was up for 10am to 2pm then took a nap from 2pm to 8pm and was dead to the world. I should probably resting more but I want to be involved with life, husband, and children.

I am still so thankful for the comments and facebook friends that keep encouraging me or checking up because this is going to be a long recover and I know from my miscarriage years ago how much it hurts when people stop asking how things are going after the first couple of weeks.

By the way the ring was silver and emerald, my birthstone. I'm now shopping for some take my breath away Opal earrings.

Day 10 or 11 after Mastectomy

Yup, I've completely lost track of time. I'm usually up until 3am so that I can take my last does of medicine and them I'm up around 10am when it's time to feed Nolan. Today was a much better day, David went to work and Mom took care of Nolan for most of the day while Isaac was at preschool. Mom would come get me when it was time to feed Nolan which just really lifted my spirits today. I attempted to rest today but wanted to be around the kids so I think I got a nap in somewhere.

The new pain pills don't take the pain completely away like the others did but I'm more of myself. The pain is mainly under my arms right now so it's hard to get comfortable because your arms can't be next to you and they can't be too propped up either, but it is definitely managable.

Since I'm not having these late night sessions with the computer I've taken up jewelry shopping or as some may call it retail therapy. Today I got this wonderful ring in the mail. If I keep you this habit I may amke Valentine's Day and our anniversary very easy for him. By the way the ring is silver and was only $32.

Day 9 after Mastectomy

No pictures today. They look the same, swollen, bruised, and deformed. The breast surgeon today said that the hard yellowish thing under my right breast is scar tissue from the drains and if the dimple doesn't go away then the plastic surgeon can take some of my fat and fill it in. But I actually like them now better than I did before. They were too big and always in the way. I also hated how I sweat under them. Definitely not an issue now.
My issue today is completely emotional. Now that I feel like I can do more I want everyone back to their regular schedules too. I guess being a SAHM (stay at home mom), I kinds of a control freak when it comes to my house and kids. So David's going back to work tomorrow and my mom will help me with Nolan, which I am completely looking forward to because I have missed holding, eating, and even changing him.
Another issue I'm having is that I can't drive anywhere. I feel like I'm a teenager on restrictions. My friends have likened it to bed rest, and I'm only a week and a half into it. This really sucks!
I had my first follow-up with my breast surgeon and as soon as she saw me she said I didn't look good and needed to tell her what's going on. So I went into more detail on the emotional stuff, which she totally gets since she's due to have another baby in a week. So she sent the psychiatrist down for me to talk to and come up with a plan to get more back to my normal. My breast surgeon also put me on a different pain med because the the that I was on worked wonders for the pain, but I was no where near my normal self. It was impossible to walk straight or keep up a conversation. Now the new meds aren't even touching the pain. I'm feeling worst than I was in the hospital.
I'm now going to try to focus on the positives for the day. My son Isaac was ecstatic to see me and wanted to be attached to my hip. I had tons of laughs and felt more normal at our small group. We had a delicious dinner delivered to us. I was even able to dress myself without any help. I got so many supportive emails and comments that this journaling is helping them.